x V.S. x

CANNES in a VAN is getting close to full swing.
Some lovely people out there are seeing it for what it is, which is a bit excellent because this means that the concept of the independent is not yet the way of the dodo.

So to all of you who are truly digging this, CHEERS ‘cause as far as I can tell it makes the three of us pretty damned happy. Just thought I’d put that out there…

On an entirely different note, last night (or possibly the night before) I was sat in a pub South of Houston way (by this I mean Soho, but I’m still stuck in the New York thing and though London does not have a Houston, really who cares, I’m going with it) with two friends.

The two friends that came up with the whole CANNES in a VAN thing.

One asked me who would win in a fight between Seagal (possibly spelt ‘Segal’, but I really can not be sure) and Jean-Claude Van Damme. In the first instance I was personally inclined to scream “Seagal”, because he is clearly a true warrior. When you see the man speak about the martial Way, frankly, he knows his shit.

Regardless, the question is age old. This guy V.S. this guy, Chuck Norris V.S. Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee V.S. pretty much anyone, et cetera.

It’s the oldest playground conversation between boys aside from
“Would you go behind the bike shed with /-insert name of the not ugly girl in your year-?“. It is an obvious one.

If you raise the question, no one their right mind is going to say “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like this conversation” utterly regardless of how much they may or may not know about the logistics or reality of the situation. Whether it be karate V.S. gung fu (which was where the conversation in the bar the other night predictably led to) or the fact that the girl at school probably hates you anyway.

Martial arts films.
Amazing. No doubt.

But discipline V.S. discipline and actor taking on actor? It is an endless cycle.

Personally, I back Seagal over Van Damme, but this is based solely on my own dedication to the Japanese martial arts. Seagal is a master of Aikido (Ai - Harmony or Unification, Ki - Spirit, can be equated to the Force that binds all Jedi, Do - the Way of something) and he is a true Aikidoka. This renders him not only a master of the Way of the Harmonious Spirit, but also the Bokken (oak sword used in Kenjutsu - Ken - Sword, Jutsu - Art) which is featured throughout classical Japanese culture and cinema… in the event you have never seen an old Japanese film, think about the sticks Tom spaceman Cruise gets hit with in the Last Samurai throughout his training towards the beginning of that diabolically offensive excuse for a (massively inaccurate) period based film. Seagal is also familiar with the Jo staff, which is pretty much a quarter staff and a reasonably fundamental part of Aikido.

Van Damme has some karate experience and kick boxing style. He is also most usually greased up in his films and so in a fight that might make him hard to grab hold of. However, Seagal can start with a Jo, loose it, move onto a Bokken, loose it and still have the ability to become one with the oppenent. Van Damme can kick a lot.

This is the answer I gave in the pub the other day. This then led to gung fu V.S. karate.

Once again I sided with Japan and in doing so, karate. I have studied karate in its classical (Okinawan) form from the age of seven or eight ish. I can not quite remember but I know I first started training in the Okinawan weapons system known as Kobudo, Ko - small, or ancient, Bu - the character depicts the suppression of an uprising through the use of a spear, Do - Way (think the weapons used by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, plus a bunch of other bits of spiky things) at around seven years old. Which led to a hard studying of karate.

Which basically keeps me sane because, shock, it is so peaceful.

Ignoring this diatribe into myself, I, very much without thinking, sided with karate over gung fu. This is a STUPID answer.

Note. STUPID.

The correct answer can be found by watching ANY martial arts film ever… (and no, the outcome does not lie in the direction of the plot) the winner will always be the more talented.

No pure, classical and non-perverted martial art is better than another. Of course, in the study of an Art of Way, you will incorporate your body into the system and the system will in turn govern your body. It will, essentially, become yours. This is not perversion. Perversion is the changing of the basics through to the never ending degree of knowledge that can be found.

Nothing within a system is useless.

Back to the answer. Any martial arts film screams this answer at you.

Think back to Jackie Chan’s 1978 ‘Jui kuen’ (Drunken Master) film.

Wong Fei Hung (Chan) goes to train with his pissed-up Gung fu master uncle Su Hua Chi (‘Sam Seed’ in the dubbed thingy) to be taught the way of the Drunken Fist. At some point in the film he gets into a fight with the ubiquitous hired-killer character, in this case going by the name of ‘Thunderleg’, and gets his ass handed back to him. Chan goes back to his uncle to train more, studies diligently in the ‘Old Style’ (read: Classical) , becomes hard as nails and saves the day.

Think back to any Seagal film. Why does is character always win?
He is a better fighter.

Van Damme in Kickboxer? Watches his idiot full-of-it brother get laid out by Muay Thai legend Tong Po, goes away to train with an old sage in the woods who teaches him the ‘Old Style’, goes back to Tong Po and saves the day.

Daniel in the Karate Kid, one, two and three (it took him a bit longer to get the idea)? Same thing.

The list, bar Bruce Lee because all of his films involved (with every right known to man) showing off, is eternal.

So the next time someone asks you “Who’d win in a fight between X V.S. X?”

The answer is “Old Style”. Fact.